


These Cages we call Walls

by JellyfishBomb



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Badass Eren Yeager, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Dreams and Nightmares, Eren needs a hug, Feelings, Friendship, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Shiganshina Trio, Slow Burn, Time Travel Fix-It, but not everyone is dead which is nice, everyone soon becomes a badass, overprotective eren, people still die, there is angst???
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-14 19:11:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7186616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JellyfishBomb/pseuds/JellyfishBomb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The past cannot be rewritten, no matter what he did in the present. Not everyone gets their happy ending.<br/>Eren learned that the hard way.<br/>But waking up to a time he thought was lost in the past with the opportunity to save those he cared for, Eren jumps at the chance to save them-everyone.<br/>He'll take the chance to do over and risk it all.</p><p>[Currently on Hiatus]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost Ones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three lost children in a beautiful but cruel world

A single campfire burned in the darkness, illuminating three figures huddled close to the flames for warmth. The burning firewood pop and crack, the sound filling the silence surrounding the group. Two man and a women in the ages of their early twenties sat near the flames. One of them, a man with long blond hair tied into a pony tail and bright blue eyes preoccupied himself with a relatively large parchment laid out before him. A hand drawn and detail map is seen on the aging paper laid before the man, the corner turning brown due to age.

His eyebrows furrowed together as blue eyes dance across the large page, lingering on the notes he had written for future reference before he let out a sigh that drew attention onto himself from the other two.

The closest one seated next to him, a women with short black hair and dark eyes stared at him silently. She gazed at him with dark eyes that seemed piercing as if she could see past him, her lips were pinched together into a thin line. She said nothing and simply stared at him with a pointed but concern look.

He offered a comforting smile to her to ease her worry, “I’m fine. Just tried.”

Across from him, a man with slightly long dark brown hair and vibrant teal green eyes trained his gaze on him. “You should rest, Armin.” He said.

Armin shook his head. He couldn’t sleep even if he tried and preferred to occupy his time with his work rather than staring off into space. Sleep does not come easy especially the dreams that plague his mind. He ran a hand over the crinkling paper, following the movement of his fingertips moving over the map he had created before flicking his gaze up to the man seated on the opposite side of the fire.

“Don’t feel like sleeping yet,” Armin answered, “But it looks like you need the rest, Eren.”

Eren let out a snort through his nose and had no rebuttal against Armin’s statement. He knew how horrible he looked like through the occasional times he had seen his reflection. Dark circles under his eyes and a haunted look in his gaze. He looked like shit.

“Can’t.” Eren answered, wrapping the green cloak he wore on his shoulder, closer to his body. He didn’t need to elaborate further with his statement. They understood. He looked at them in the eyes, they had the same haunted look in their gaze.

Armin replied with only a tender smile appearing on his lips and understanding in his gaze before he returned his attention back to the map while Mikasa stayed silent, observing Eren from her spot. He caught her gaze and held it.

They changed, he noted. Mikasa had grown into a fine mature women with sharp but beautiful features. She had cut her hair short, leaving her bangs and a portion of her front hair to retain the length when she had shoulder length hair from years ago. The long red scarf she wore for almost her life since the day Eren had saved her is nothing more but a scarp of red cloth that was only the length of her arm. Yet she wore it around her neck, tied into a knot like the days before.

Eren moved his gaze over to Armin, whom out of the three changed drastically both appearance and mentality. Armin was no longer that teen who felt self-conscious about his appearance or his plans; he is now someone who felt comfortable with expressing his thoughts.

Armin’s growth spurt hit him harder than anyone could imagine. The baby fat around his face finally went away, giving the blond prominent and masculine features. No longer could anyone tease him for looking younger than his age suggested or mistake him as a girl. He grew taller, towering over Mikasa by a few inches but is still shorter than Eren.

Armin is no longer that lanky teenager with sticks for limbs but a grown man with a strong body thanks to the military training they had. It’s been years since then.

Since the battle of Trost.

Since their expedition to seal Wall Maria.

Since the deaths of those close to them.

A lot has changed.

Humanity finally won against the titans that plague the land in fear. The threat of man eating giants were no more and mankind could finally breath, explore beyond the walls without having to worry about being snatched by gigantic hands and scooped into large mouths. They won by unconventional means but not without a cost. For the price of freedom, one has to pay the toll.

Eren drew his legs close to his chest and pressed his face into his knees, ignoring the sting in his eyes. He listen to the sounds of their camp fire popping and the sound of pencil writing against paper, keeping his face pressed closer to his knees.

Almost everyone in the Survey corps is wiped out in their battle for humanity save for a few individuals that survived the brutal attack on their convoy. Armin, Mikasa, Jean and a handful of soldiers whose names eluded his thought. Annie still remained in the crystal but her current status is unknown. Everyone else; dead.

It was a simple mission. Scope the hole in Wall Maria and evaluate the damage before planning their next move to seal the breach. Their mission when downhill fast and no one expected it. He recalled very little when he transformed.

Not even Armin or Mikasa could fill in the gaps of his memory.

He can old remember the anger and blood lust surging through him when screams filled the air, the heat from the steam of decaying bodies of titans that littered the ground on his skin, the thick stench of blood hanging in the air and him clutching a blood stained cloak with blue and white wings etched into the cloth as he cried out loud in a field of dead bodies.

His friends and his superiors, missing from battle or dead at his feet.

Humanity won, the survivors soon realized upon stumbling across many skeletal remains of titans that littered their paths. Not one _live_ titan made an appearance when they lugged the injured back to safety while on foot without the aid of their horses much to the bafflement of those that greeted them at the gates.

That was five years ago.

Eren let out a shuddering breath before turning his gaze upwards to stare at the black sky. Sitting under the stars in a world where walls that caged him were nothing but just a memory, he mused about the five years after mankind won.

When almost all members of the survey corps had been killed, leaving behind a few, the Military police were upon them in a heartbeat like vultures upon a dead body. They demanded his head on a platter, stating that he is still a threat to mankind even when he proved that he is not and the government willingly handed him over despite the pleas of the remaining members of the survey corps.

Eren recalled the days he had been chained down in a dungeon while awaiting for his execution date, the darkness that surround him as he waited in the dark with no light until Mikasa and Armin came storming into his cell with the intentions of leaving the walls with the help of those who believed that he is not a threat. Jean, the only one aside from Mikasa and Armin who survived the attack, leading the prison escape.

Armin stood before him with a one hand outstretch towards him, the other holding onto a burning torch that illuminated the dark room he was confined in while Mikasa worked on the metal cuffs clamped around his wrist. The blond had a determined and hard look in his eyes as he stared down at him from underneath the hood he wore.

“ _We’ll see the ocean together_ ,” Armin declared, blue eyes glowing bright in the dim light. “ _No matter what._ ”

Eren took the hand offered to him and did not look back even as left the cage, even as he stepped off the walls.

They ran.

Away from his old life and into a new world.

* * *

  
They were off walking before dawn using Armin’s guidance as they made their way through unknown lands after they had doused their fire with dirt and shoulder on their travelling packs. The world outside is something Eren could never imagined even with the book Armin had. The sights were breathtaking as they went on their travels, passing through forest that were untouched by humanity, witnessing animals flowers that were never seen when they lived behind the walls.

It’s a shame since none of their friends could ever see such a world. They would have absolutely loved the world as they did.

“Where are we heading to?” Eren questioned as he trailed after Armin who lead their group while Mikasa took rear. He scaled over a fallen log and cast a questioning gaze to Armin who looked over his shoulder for a moment. Catching Eren’s gaze, Armin simply smiled in answer before returning his attention forward.

“Armin?” Mikasa called to the blond, curious like Eren to know where their childhood friend is leading them to.

“You’ll see.” Answered Armin as if he knew something funny.

Eren and Mikasa shared a look but diligently followed after their chipper friend despite the blond only had a few hours of sleep. Armin ignored them, seemingly intent to immerse himself in his surroundings. He perked up and whirled around to the two with an excited look on his face, blue eyes bright and shining.

“Armin?” Eren called out to his friend who quickly made his over to their side and wrapped his hands around their wrist before tugging them forward. Eren stumbled having to be caught off guard as Armin dragged them to who knows where but quickly followed the pace.

Eren tried again in hopes to get a straight answer. “Armin?”

“Can you hear that?” Armin interjected.

Eren and Mikasa followed Armin’s suggestion and strained their ears for any sound that had made Armin feeling giddy as he is. It took a moment to realize what Armin was talking about but once they did, Eren is excited as his friend. With a shared look, the two sped off with Mikasa tagging along who couldn’t help but smile at their enthusiasm as they walked through the thick underbrush that separates them from their objective.

When they broke the tree line, Eren being the first one to stumble onto sandy plains, the sight before him caught his breath away. Eren took a deep breath, inhaling the smell of the ocean as the grin on his lips became wider. It was nothing like how he and Armin had imagine it but something better.

The ocean before them stretched beyond the horizon, the water is crystalline blue like the rivers and lakes he had seen during their journeys but the difference was the vast size and the waves that came crashing into sandy beaches. Waves lapped up onto shore before dragging back into the water, following a predictable pattern when the water rise and retreat.

From behind him, Amirn let out a triumph yell. He can hear the joy in Armin’s voice and the raw emotions that could not be conveyed into words.

A laugh left his lips as his eyes began to sting with unshed tears. His heart felt lighter for just a moment, the dream he and Armin had together as young children when they were staring down at a worn down leather book is now in reach just before them. A few more steps and he could touch the waves that came to shore.

“Eren!!”Armin called from behind, drawing Eren’s attention away from the vast sea. He spotted the blond shrugging off heavier clothes like the cloak and thick jacket he previously wore, leaving Armin in only in his shirt and pants as he attempt to kick away his shoes in his haste to play in the water.

The blond sped past him, ignoring Eren’s indigent shout for spraying water onto his clothes in his attempt to play in the water but the two knew that he could care less. For this moment, they wanted to get lost in their happiness.

Mikasa followed but on a less enthusiastic manner than Armin. She took her time to set her stuff aside rather than tossing them about. Eren could see a fond smile stretched on her lips as she stripped herself of her cloak and jacket, now moving onto her shoes and socks while using a tree to balance herself.

Eren followed in suit, shedding off his shoes and jacket but kept the tattered green cloak on his shoulders before moving close to the water’s edge. He felt the sand underneath his bare feet giving way due to his weight, it felt warm from the sun but as he got closer to the waves, the sand became much compact and wet. Eventually he reached the water’s edge where the wave swept over his feet.

He grinned, laughing almost at the strange sensation at his feet.

“I can’t believe this is happening.” Armin said as he dipped his cupped hands together and scooped a handful of water which then trickle past his fingertips and back into the ocean. “This is real.” He breathed out in awe.

Armin stuck his tongue out and licked his wet fingers. He recoiled back at the odd taste, his pupils blown wide as he stared down at his hands in wonder. Eren and Mikasa, whom watched their friend experiment began to laugh which caused Armin’s cheeks to turn pink with embarrassment but eventually joined in their laughter.

“It’s like in the books.” He told the two. “It’s…salty. Is this what salt taste like?”

“It’s big. Bigger than any lake we ever seen.” Mikasa admitted as she stared at the distance of the ocean where the sky and sea touch. A soft smile replace the grin on Eren’s lips when he followed her line of sight.

“It was only yesterday our dreams were just dreams. It’s nice. Better than I had imagine.” Eren said, wiggling his toes in wet sand.

It almost felt like yesterday when he and Armin decided to see the ocean after reading it in a rare book that Armin’s grandfather had in his possession. They were two children, seated together as they gazed upon the contents of an old book that told of a world unknown to them – unknown to most – which prompt their ambition to see the world outside the walls that tower over their heads.

Looking back now, Eren couldn’t believe the time that had passed since then. When they were young boys who played pretend and had their heads in the clouds. It was almost fifteen years since that day. At their early twenties, they were finally there.

As Eren watched Mikasa and Armin splash around in the water, he could not help but look back at the past. To the past that lead them to where they were today.

He unclipped his tattered cloak to stare at the white and blue wings stitched onto the back. The only thing that tied him to the past that he left behind. The colors were faded but still legible even when the bottom corners of the cloak were torn and left unfixed. This is not his cloak that he wore during the mission to Wall Maria, his had been lost in battle. The cloak he held in his hands belong to none other than Corporal Levi, humanity’s strongest.

One of many that fell when humanity won.

Somehow Armin had gotten hold of it and passed on to Eren when they fled the walls as if the blond knew it held significance to him. Armin only smiled sadly when he donned the cloak. Once he had been asked about his relationship with the Corporal. He never answered and Armin never asked again.

The scars of the past may never fade nor the memories of those who perished in the attack but as Eren turned his gaze back to the wide ocean, did it feel like he could finally look forward for the future. The past cannot change no matter how hard he tried and he figured that if Levi or anyone that died had been alive at that moment, the would have cuffed the man on the head for tormenting himself over something he had no control over.

They would have likely told him to look forward.

They would not be there physically but Eren would carry a piece of them in his heart as long as he lived.

“Are you going to join us any time soon?” Armin called.

Eren let out a laugh, “Yeah.”

His fingers trailed over the wings before Eren folded the cloak and glanced up the sky when he heard the flutter of wings. He watched as two birds flew overhead into the sky. He closed his eyes, burning the image into his memory because it reminded him of the wings of freedom and the people that bore such wings on their back as they took flight. He smiled, feeling lighter than before.

Eren hugged the cloak close to his chest, with a light heart and tears rolling down his face, he could finally place the ghost of the past to rest and proceed forward into an unknown future.

The sound of waves crashing to shore, Armin’s laugh mixing with Mikasa’s giggles, the wind in his hair and the sun on his skin. He’s free.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

_“Eren?”_

Eren snapped his eyes open - had he fallen asleep? - as he gasped for breath and sat up from his position on the grass. He looked around, scanning his surroundings and felt his heart drop. There is no sand underneath his feet, no ocean before him but just a field of flowers and a tall wall that loomed in the distance.

Mikasa stood before him with long black hair that danced in the wind, the red scarf he had given to her years before, wrapped loosely around her neck instead of it being tied into a familiar knot. She gazed back at him with dark eyes filled with concern, with innocence he thought she had lost in turn to become a strong warrior.

This is not the Mikasa who had scars on her skin and callous on her hands. Standing before him is not a women who took down men twice her size but a young girl with a red scarf wrapped around her neck.

“Eren, why are you crying?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time posting a story on Ao3 so I'm pretty new to this website and its functions.  
> Anyways, this plot had been bugging me for a long time and I couldn't help but write it down and create a story with it. I'm in the mood for fics where the main character struggles and I have a thing for time travel fix it stories.
> 
> This story is inspired by a tumblr post. I cant find the link however.
> 
> I might change the summary in the future date (Didnt have anything else to put on there).
> 
> For reference:  
> Earlier parts of the story takes place in a timeline where Annie had been taken down before she could scale the walls and reveal the titans within (in the end no one knew the secret), the survey corps then set out on another expedition to wall Maria but were overwhelm by a horde of titans.  
> Everyone but a few died. Eren unconsciously used his coordinate ability and single highhandedly rid the world of titans.
> 
> Just to clear some things up.
> 
> Edit: Oh my god I finally figured out some of the functions. I want to smack myself.


	2. Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The line between dream and reality is obscured.

_“Eren, why are you crying?”_

Eren could not utter a word as he stared at Mikasa with wide eyes, shock evident on his features. Mikasa frowned at his lack of response, taking note that he has yet to respond to her. She wondered if he was still dreaming despite being awake. He did fall into a deep sleep when she went off collecting firewood and it took her several tries to wake him up from his slumber.

Unbeknownst to her, Eren is stunned as he took in her features. It felt like a lifetime since he had seen her with long hair that went past her shoulders. He recalled distinctively that Mikasa prefer to maintain her hair at a short length as it is easy to maintain and clean. It was less of a hassle to tie her hair up when the days got warmer.

He reached out, wanting to touch a lock of black hair and see if anything he was looking at was real but stopped when he saw his hand. It was smaller than he remembered, soft to the touch when he ran a finger over his palm. The callous that decorated his hands that he had done back breaking labor to the point where his hands would bleed were gone. Even the faint bite marks were gone.

A sudden feeling of dread began to crawl up his spine and it dawned on him.

With his breath caught up in his throat, Eren tore his gaze away from his hands and stared hard at his surroundings, feeling his heart drop when bright eyes took in the sight of tall walls that stood in the distance. All too familiar walls that Eren was certain he left behind after his prison break, never looking back over his shoulders to cast it a final glance as he ran.

His breathing became erratic, almost to the point that he was hyperventilating. Black dots danced around in his vison as he tried to work his head around everything. Questions swam in his head, none of which he could provide an answer to. Why was he back here? Where was the ocean he stood before? Why does Mikasa look young? Was it nothing but a long dream?

Eren forced out a laugh that sounded broken to his ears at that last question. It couldn’t be a dream. There was no way that everything he went through was just a long dream. He continued to deny it all, he wanted to but as he gazed at the walls in the distance, he knew it was useless to convince himself further that the freedom he attained was nothing but a fleeting dream, a moment of peace his mind had created for him.

Was the hardship, the sacrifice and the freedom he attained was nothing but a _ruse_?

The hollow laughter that left his lips slowly began to sound like heart wrenching sobs, tears that accumulated in his eyes rolling down his cheeks.

Eren had experienced pain like no other. Losing his limbs, getting beaten up to a pulp, none of them could compare to the pain he felt right now. To be cheated out of something you worked hard to get for. To be ripped away from the happiness you earned. The pain in his chest is like the pain he felt when he watched his mother getting eaten right before his eye when he knew could have helped her, could have _saved_ her.

Eren could faintly hear Mikasa calling out his name in distress over the sound of his crying and screaming. Through the tears in his eyes, he could see Mikasa drop down onto her knees before him to grasp his shoulders, her face twisted with shock and worry. He could feel her nails dig through the material of his clothes as she clung to him, shaking him back and forth slightly.

“-ren! Eren?!” Mikasa called out, corner laced in her voice that suddenly became clear in his ears. “Eren, what’s wrong?!”

Eren didn’t–couldn’t–answer her and even if he did manage to answer, he would end up choking on words, instead he wrapped his trembling arms around her petite form and buried his tear stained face into the crook of her shoulder, holding onto her as if she was his last life line. He clung to her tightly, using her presence as an anchor from the raw emotions that threatens to drown him.

He felt her stiffen in his arms, obviously taken aback by his sudden action but quickly adapted to the situation. She wrapped her arms around him, rubbing circles on his back while mumbling words of comfort into his ears. Mikasa didn’t question him and Eren was thankful for that. He didn’t want to be reminded of what he lost. What he never had.

He just wanted to feel her warmth, to be comforted by family.

“You’re fine, Eren.” Mikasa mumbled, running her hand into his hair and slowly rocked him despite their awkward position. “You’re okay. It’s just a nightmare. I’m here, Eren. I’m here.”

Eren wanted to scream when he heard that. He wanted to scream till his throat felt raw, how reality is cruel to give him such hope after everything he had been through to only find out it was a _dream_. He felt cheated; he gave everything. He placed his cards on the table, gambled his life away only to be smacked in the face with a huge ‘fuck you’.

He let out a laugh, sneering onto Mikasa’s shoulders.

It was just a dream.

The words taste bitter on his tongue.

* * *

 

Mikasa only drew away from the hug when he stopped screaming. She remained by his side, holding onto his hand as they both sat underneath the tree that Eren slept under, their fingers interlaced together tightly. In silence with their backs pressed against the trunk of the tree behind them and under the leaves that protected them from the sun, the two watched the clouds pass on by with the cool wind on their skin.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Mikasa asked, breaking the silence between them.

Eren did not turn to face her and kept his gaze focused on the sky despite how his eyes ached from the crying he had done. “No.” he answered softly, giving Mikasa’s hand a squeeze.

He could see from the corner of his eyes that she was staring at him, debating whether to inquire further or not. Thankfully she thought of the latter and left him alone. He could tell that she’ll probably bring it up on a later date.

“Okay.” She answered before falling silent. She turned away but he felt her squeeze his hand in return.

They sat there longer in silence, comfortable with each other’s presence before Mikasa stood up to brush away the grass blades she had torn out from the ground which had clung to her pink dress. Satisfied with her work, she took a few steps forwards to collect her share of firewood she had dropped in her fit to comfort him.

Once Mikasa slung her cargo onto her back, she turned to face Eren who had been watching her and gave him her hand. “Let’s go home before its dark.”

Eren stared at the outstretched hand before him. He hesitated for a moment, feeling at a loss because of her words. The home he knew is not a building that kept people warm from the harsh element but the people he left his heart to. As he had been told, a distant and faded memory in his mind; _home is where the heart is._

“Eren?”

He took her hand.

The home he knew – _the people he loved_ – is nothing but part of a dream.

* * *

 

It stung when everything he knew was nothing but just a figment of his imagination. A dream created by his subconscious to cope in living his life behind such walls. The people he met, the ones he lost, the vows he made and the tears he shed; his heart ached at the thought. It felt too real. The sound, smell and sensations –it was all too real and he _fell_ for the illusion.

Eren gripped harder on the straps slung over his shoulders to the point that his knuckles turned white as he gazed up at the towering wall before him. Vines and other plant life growing at the base of said mention wall slowly crawling their way upwards, barely making the midway point. He studied the face of a young women engraved into hard rock with a strange crown suited on her head, her prominent features carved into rock it made one want to caress the well-crafted stone with the tips of their fingertips.

“Wall Maria.” Eren breathed out, gazing up at the gate that hang above his head. It felt like seeing something familiar after a long time –nostalgia? – He never really cared about said mention wall but the name held some importance to him.

He recalled of pieces of wall crumbling down, giving the opportunity for giant monsters to come crawling in and devouring people that were unfortunate to be caught by large hands. Eren closed his eyes and regulated his breathing when he felt his throat constrict, making it hard to swallow down his unease.

A small hand on his shoulder snapped him from his thoughts, he flinched at the touch before relaxing when he saw that it was Mikasa who had laid her hand on his shoulder. She said nothing but the look in her eyes were questioning, silently asking if there was anything wrong. Eren allowed a weak smile to appear on his lips, hoping that it was enough to comfort her in a way.

Her lips pinched together into a thin line as if she is trying to stop herself from talking. Eren can see it in her eyes, the urgency and concern. She wanted to know what he was thinking and how he currently felt.

“I’m fine.” He lied and they both knew it. He is never the type of keep his emotions in check, always wearing his heart on his sleeve for the world to see. Being discreet is never his style; that was Armin’s forte. The blond knows how to reign his feelings back, thinking logically when needed just like Commander Erwin.

His breath hitched at the name, an image of a stone faced man flashing though his mind. With a face, there was a name.

Eren banished the thought out of his mind quickly as it came. He didn’t want to dwell on bittersweet dreams that made his heart ache.

“I’m fine,” he said once more, reassuring himself instead of Mikasa. “ _I’m fine._ ”

Eren turned his gaze to MIkasa, prying her hand off his shoulder and flashed her a small smile before walking towards the mouth of the tunnel that laid before them where it connected the land of Maria to his hometown. He swallowed hard when the warm sun on his skin disappeared as he made his way through the tunnel.

Shiganshina district.

In his dream, a ghost town where ruins acted as grave markers for those who never made it.

He listen for Mikasa’s light footsteps to follow behind him but to his surprise, Mikasa came up to his side and stayed there. Their close proximity to one another is too close for comfort but Eren didn’t mind. In fact he appreciate her silent presence even for just a moment.

To pretend that the girl next to him is Mikasa who had preferred to cut her hair short and had scars that littered on her skin.

“Are my eyes still red?” Eren asked Mikasa, turned his face in her direction. His eyes ached and felt a little bit puffy but he hoped that at least the red in his eyes from the crying he had done was gone. She turned her head, allowing her eyes to rake down on his face before meeting his eyes.

“Yes.” She stated as a matter of fact. “I won’t tell anyone that you cried if that’s what you’re afraid of.”

Eren snorted, “As if.”

Before the two could continue with their conversation, a figure stepped in front of their path, preventing them from going forth. Eren took a deep breath, ready to ask the person to move aside but recoiled as if he was slapped across the face when he’s nose is assaulted by the distinct stench of alcohol that embraced the man standing before them.

He pinched his nose with his forefinger and thumb, preventing himself from gagging before shooting a glare at the person. His glare faltered when he is met with a familiar face staring back at him, slightly flushed from the alcohol the man must have drank before he or Mikasa made their way through the tunnel.

“Hannes.” Eren addressed the man in a low tone or as low as his childish voice could get as he breathed out from his mouth while keeping a tight hold on his nose. “You reek of alcohol.”

Eren studied the blond man standing before him who stared back with half lidded eyes, clearly intoxicated from the alcohol he had drunk. It felt like seeing an old friend after a long period of time, after he fled the walls with Mikasa and Armin, the last he saw of Hannes was when the man stood at the top of the walls after exchanging brief words with the man before they jumped, watching them disappear into the unknown world. He recalled the darkness in the man’s gaze from the horrors he had witnessed, his smile ever so strained when they went head to head– _“I couldn’t save her because I was scared”_ – as he expressed his regrets.

Eren stopped short and shoved the thought of out his mind, dismissing his dream before returning his attention back to the man before them.

Hannes stared at them for a while before he took note of Eren’s slightly red eyes. “Is Mikasa mad at you?” he asked teasingly, a grin stretched on his lips.

How Hannes jumped to the conclusion that Mikasa got mad at him and he cried because of it eluded Eren’s mind, though it did annoyed him that Hannes thought Mikasa was the cause of his slightly bloodshot and puffy eyes.

“No.” Eren answered, “Why aren’t you on duty?” he added as an afterthought, glancing to the group of soldiers seated not far behind Hannes. He scrunched his nose despite being pinched between his fingers when he spied the bottles of wine piled up at their feet and the playing cards in their hands. He shot the laughing group of men a disapproving look for slacking off while on the job before settling his gaze back on the blond man.

“We’re watching the gates today.” Hannes informed before he mocked a salute, “Standing here in the heat made us hungry and thirsty so we had a little bit to drink. Nothing wrong with that, right?”

“Even so, you shouldn’t be slacking off on the job regardless if it’s hot.” Eren shot back, the corner of his lips tugging downwards into a frown.

Hannes shrugged his shoulders, “Eh. Nothing bad ever happens.”

His mouth moved before his mind could catch up as images popped up into his mind. A hole in the wall, the blood curdling screams reverberating loudly in his ears, red hot blood splattered all over the place. It was on the walls, on the road, on the mouth of the monster that had its mouth twisted into a mocking smile. Lips painted red with the blood of his mother.

“Just because nothing bad had happen now, it doesn’t mean it won’t happen soon. I have been told that peaceful times like these where everyone is lulled to a sense of happiness, we are at the most vulnerable state.” Eren stared at Hannes straight in the eye, ignoring the surprised look on the man’s face. “These walls may protect us from the titans outside but how long do you think it would last?”

Hannes grimaced, “Ouch. Don’t say such mean things, Eren.”

His temper flared but only Mikasa’s grasp on his sleeve stopped him from shouting angrily at Hannes.

“When I mend the walls, I see titans lumbering around but I don’t think they could do anything about the fifty meter wall. I don’t think they could do much about it.” Hannes mentioned off handedly, “You see Eren, when people see soldiers fighting, they know something bad happened. Everyone’s much happier when we’re doing nothing and getting call as useless freeloaders. We’re content living in bliss ignorance–”

“Content living as livestock?” Eren interrupted rudely, his statement stopping Hannes from saying more. The man flinched as if he was physically struck across the face, staring wide eyed at Eren.  

Many others would have agreed with Hannes, content living their lives behind walls without knowing the vast world beyond it. They only know that stepping outside meant their death where titans await them but Eren saw the bigger picture. He wanted to go beyond the walls that surround them, to visit the blue crystalline ocean that he and Armin dreamt about and see the world that they only read in books.

The walls held so much but beyond it, everything is a mystery and that is what drew Eren.

One of the men that had been drinking with Hannes busted out laughing, disrupting the tense atmosphere between the two children and the shell shocked soldier. “This kid sure knows how to talk!”

“You’re crazy, kid.” Another added, laughing alongside with their friend.

Eren ignored their verbal jab, not rising to the insult and brushed aside Hannes to continue his trek, deciding that their conversation is over. He ignored the man calling out his name, sparing no expense to look over his shoulder to see if the men stopped mocking him.

“To others, they see the walls protecting them but to me it feels like being caged in like an animal.” He said softly under his breath, bright eyes becoming glazed over as he lost himself in thought.

* * *

 

They navigated though the buildings, weaving in and out of alley ways and narrowed cobblestone paths that went between houses and under bridges. Several times Mikasa had to take the lead when Eren made the wrong turn. He stuttered, coming up with the excuse that Hannes’s words had peeved him well enough to forget how to get home, with his thoughts clouded he couldn’t think straight. Deciding that Mikasa should lead them home, Eren allowed the girl to take up front while he took the rear.

As they scaled a slight inclined hill, Eren stared hard at Mikasa’s back and frowned. Truthfully he had no idea where he was going when he took point. The houses around him were unfamiliar and the paths even so. There are times where he would recognize a house or a landmark while on their trek but other than that, he struggled to navigate the cluster of houses.

He bit back an annoyed groan, rubbing his eyes with his fingers. To think that his dream would blend with reality that badly, the line separating the two becoming more obscure as time when on, he forgot how to navigate through his own neighborhood.

He used to navigate through the streets with ease, knowing where a path would lead or a quick shortcut that lead from point A to point B under a much shorter time. Even if he walked backwards he could still find his way around.

“Eren.” Mikasa called, snapping him out of his troubling thoughts.

Eren lifted his gaze from Mikasa’s back to stare at her head. She didn’t turn to face him and kept walking forward but he knew that she was waiting for his reply. “Yeah?”

“I don’t want you to join the survey corps.”

“Why?”

Mikasa stopped in her tracks and turned to face him, her eyes becoming dark when their gaze met.

“I don’t have to tell you why,” She began with a pointed look shot at his direction. “You know what happens to those that join the survey corps.”

She didn’t have to mention the death that followed the people that venture beyond the walls. Almost a hundred would leave but twenty or less would return. Not everyone returned home, either dead or alive. He had seen family members collapse on their knees when given the horrible news, many who are unfortunate to not retrieve anything that belonged to the dearly departed.

Eren knew the risk. He knew that he could possibly be the very few that won’t return if he joined the survey corps but the wanderlust of his could never be satisfied if he didn’t try. No one wanted to die a horrible death, not even him but reward; it might be worth it.

His mind went back to his dream of sandy beaches and salty seas.

_–“You have to do your best to make a decision that you won’t regret.”–_

He wanted that and he’ll make it happen.

Before he could say more, the town bell rang loudly in the distance. Eren jumped, alarmed by the sound and instinctively grabbing at the side of his hips only to come up short when he came up empty, only grabbing just air. He blinked down at his empty hand before fighting down a blush when he remembered that his maneuver gear and blades is nothing but part of a dream – _a lie_ – while ignoring the bewildered on Mikasa’s face.

At a distance he spotted a tall building that towered over the houses that surround it. He squinted his eyes and took note of the bell located at the top level of the tower. He quickly recognized it to be the bell tower that Shiganshina had.

“The front gates are opening.” Mikasa noted.

Before Eren knew what he was doing, he ran towards the sound of bells ringing. Mikasa shouted out his name but he kept on running, not looking back to see if she followed. Usually he would wait for her to run by his side but something deep within told him to run.

Run towards the sound.

He ran as fast as he could with his short legs and the heavy load on his back that weighed him down. He ran to the gates that lead outside, to the people that risk it all.

He wanted to see the men and women that flew in the skies.

The ones that don wings of blue and white.

* * *

 

A number of people were already lining the streets when Eren and Mikasa arrived at the scene just as the soldiers donning green capes began filling the streets, a large cluster of them making their way through. None of the soldiers spared the bystanders a glance, only focusing their gaze downwards to their hands as if they could not lift their heads to stare at anyone in the eye.

Men and women began chattering with one another as the soldiers made their way through, Eren spared no mind of the chatter as he struggled to find an opening through the wall of people before him. He tried to peer over their shoulders but he is not exactly tall enough to do so and silently mourn over his short height. He spied a crate near his position and made a beeline for it.

He scaled it, Mikasa doing the same to the other crate situated next to the one he stood one before looking at the soldiers that had mournful expressions on their faces. Their lips pinched tightly together as if they forcefully stopped themselves from speaking when the chatter picked up, becoming vile and insulting. Some even looked like they are on the verge of breaking down, their mask of indifference showing signs of cracks like a well-crafted armor with chinks in its plate.

Shaking shoulders, teary eyes that were filled with unshed tears and the devastated looks on their faces.

They were broken people.

Eren stared at the men before trailing his gaze to the end of the line where the injured or dead follow behind only to stop when it landed on a figure that was in the middle of the formation. His heart leapt to his throat at the sight.

“Commander Erwin?” Eren whispers softly, the name falling past his lips with familiarity.

Erwin lifted up his head as if he felt Eren’s unwavering gaze locked onto his form, vibrant eyes staring intently at him and he stared back with dampen blue eyes. Both parties stared at one another what felt like an hour when in truth it was just mere seconds before Erwin broke their staring contest, casting his gaze down to his hands almost in shame.

He remember a commander who risk it all, met the gaze of people that sneered at his direction and risk almost everything even his own life for victory. Eren considered him to be a stone pillar, acting as a foundation to those working alongside with him and stood tall even against the odds. Even in the mouth of a titan, even in the face of death he still fought.

“Why are there so few of them?” a man in the crowd questioned, not noticing how several soldiers riding close to them had flinched.

“A bunch of them were eaten.” Someone answered the man, “This is what you get for going outside the walls.” They chided.

Eren kept his gaze locked on Erwin _–who do you think is the real enemy?–_  while ignoring the scathing remarks leaving the mouths of the people that had no clue how much their words cut deeply.

He watched on as a distraught mother broke through the crowd, heading straight to the person that lead the convoy and asked of the whereabouts of her son. Two men came up, clutching a package that was wrapped in cloth where without a single shadow of a doubt was the son that the mother was looking for or what had been part of him. He noted the drying blood that stained the brown cloth.

The current commander– _not Erwin, his mind supplied_ –  broke down on his knees before the mother as if he wanted to repent for all that he had done and all the sins he carried, tears rolling down his aged face.

The scene seems all so familiar to Eren.

He jumped off his crate, spared one look to Erwin before ducking into a nearby alley way. Mikasa stepped into his path, preventing him from moving forward. Her eyes darted past his head, to the scene that transpired before their eyes before she stared straight back at him, a fierce look in her eyes.

“Have you changed your mind about joining the survey corps?” she asked.

“No.” he answered in a heartbeat, his gaze unwavering.

He pretend to not noticed the hurt look on her face.

* * *

 

Eren stared at his house, taking in details he had not notice the last time he saw it _–destroyed, crushed by a large piece of wall that broke off when the colossal titan attacked–_ and took his time to admire something so small and insignificant before approaching the front door of his house.

He climbed the steps leading to his front door, feeling his legs turn to lead and laid a hand on the door. He did not push it yet, relishing in something familiar but yet foreign to him.

“Home.” He whispered.

It is home, he recognized it but it did not _feel_ like home.

It was missing something.

“Aren’t you going in?” Mikasa said from over his shoulder, an eyebrow arched at him. She looked like she couldn’t decide whether to be amuse with Eren or exasperated. “Are you worried that mom is going to ask about the firewood that I helped gather?”

He turned to her, mouth becoming dry. “Mom….?”

Before Mikasa could open her mouth, the door swung open and Eren was left touching air. He turned to the person standing at the doorway, a gentle smile etched on her face as she stared with them with brown eyes filled with so much love.

His breath got caught up in his throat that felt like someone had wrapped their hands around hit and squeezed hard with all their might.

“Welcome back.” His mother greeted.

Happy.

_Alive._

He couldn’t breathe.

The joyful look on her face melted away into concern when she stared at Eren, oblivious to his internal drama but had taken note of his unease. Her smile turned into a slight frown and her voice was laced with concern. She reached her hand out to him that was slightly damp with water and caress his cheeks with the tip of her fingers. “Eren, what’s wrong?”

_Everything_ , he wanted to say but chocked on the words, _I saw you die_.

He watched her die before his eyes, where her blood danced in the air and in some morbid sick fascination it looked like flower petals instead. Eren remember the terror that held him in its grasp as he watched the smiling titan come up to his destroyed house and rummaged through the ruins with his mother still trapped underneath and growing ever so small in the distance as the space between them grows.

Years had passed since her death. It was hard to remember the little things about her like how she smiled, how her laugh were like chimes in the wind. Day by day the memory of his mother faded. It was still there, lingering at the back of his mind because her death is what drove him to fight but he at times forgot how she looked like.

“Eren?” his mother said, her voice becoming panic but still soft to not further aggravate him. “Eren, what’s wrong? Do you want to talk about it?”

She knelt down to his level, using her white apron to rub away the tears that fell from his eyes. He ducked away from her touch, slapping a hand over his mouth to stifle the heart wrenching sob but his mother had clamp her hands on his shoulders, stopping him from moving away.

Her kind gaze turned to Mikasa who hovered at the side, uncertain at how to proceed with the situation. “What’s wrong with him?”

Mikasa shook her head, “I’m not sure.”

His mother let out a sigh before turning to Eren and tugged him forward, “Come.” She coaxed him. “let’s put aide your load and wipe those tears away–“ she moved away to let the two children in but stopped when Eren lunged at her, wrapping his arms around her waist and buried his tear stained face into her shirt.

She smelt like baked bread and something distinctly her. His heart broke because he forgot how she smelt and it hurts him more than it should.

He cried harder and tighten his grip on her clothes, scared that if he left her go she would disappear like how she was gone from his life in his dream.

“Mom…” he mumbled into her clothes, “I missed you.”

“You were gone for only a few hours,” she laughed, amused but relived and ran a hand through his hair. “But if it makes you feel better, I miss you too.”

She returned the hug tenfold and he melted to her touch, with her heartbeat in his ear and her warmth underneath his hands.

Alive.

He could finally breathe.

But something dark had taken root in his heart, a sense of dread that never left him since he had woken up from his dream of one lifetime.

_–“Peaceful times like these where everyone is lulled to a sense of happiness, we are at the most vulnerable state.”–_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My writing style is all over the place :'D  
> I have no idea if I manage to convey what I want the reader to know from this chapter.
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed it and thank you to those who left kudos and comments.


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